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The best jokes and joke writers!

Tell Me!

A husband and wife were fighting about their sex life.

"You never even tell me when you're having an orgasm!" he yelled.

"How can I?" she shot back. "You're never here!"

Covid 19 Reduction

A middle manager has a zoom call with his boss Monday morning. He's told that the Covid 19 quarantine is hurting business and he has to furlough one of his employees. He's really upset. Everyone in his department does a good job and it doesn't seem fair. So for the next 2 days he racks his brain trying to figure out who to let go. On Tuesday afternoon he sees Jack and Jill standing six feet apart having a discussion. He says to himself, "Okay it's going to be one of them." He spends the next few days scrutinizing what each of them does. Everything is equal. Productivity. Time off. Reports. Everything. He's in a quandary. It's Friday afternoon and he knows his going to have to think about this all weekend. Everyone has left the office except Jack and Jill, who are getting ready to leave. Jill comes over to say goodbye. "Have a good weekend boss. Hey you don't look so good - do you have the virus?" He looks at her and says "No, but I'm having a tough time here. I can't decide if I should lay you or Jack off." And she looks at him and says  "Well, I have to catch a bus, so I suggest you jack off."

The Blonde Swears Off Men

A blond at a party was telling her friend that she had sworn off men for life. "They lie, they cheat, and they're just no good. From now on when I want sex, I'm going to use my vibrator"  "So, what will you do when the batteries run out?" asked her friend.  "I'll just fake an orgasm like always!"

Real Boy

Q: How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?

A: His hand caught fire.

Good Boys

Mum caught little Johnny jerking his meat off one day. She told him - "Johnny dearest, good boys save it till they're 18." Johnny did. And by 18, he had 11 jars full!