Sex Jokes - Bestiality Jokes
Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine." His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine." Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
A Priest, a Nun, and a Camel are crossing the desert. The camel falls dead. Before I die, the father says, "I would like to see a woman naked. So the nun takes off all her clothes. She then says, "before I die I would like to see a man naked. So the father takes off his clothes. She looks at his penis and says, "My God!! What is that for?" He says "You stick it in a hole and it brings forth life." The nun replies, "Then how about you stick it up that camels ass and let's get the hell out of here!"
Scottsmen With Kilts
Q: Why do Scottsmen wear kilts?
A: The sound of the zipper scares the sheep.
The Australian Way
After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life alone, she decided to marry. She had been with so many perverted men over the years that she felt she needed a change and would only get one by marrying a virgin male near her age. She took out ads in newspapers around the world seeking a male virgin who was 55 years old. She finally narrowed her choice to an Australian computer programmer. After a thorough background check, she was satisfied that he had indeed never been with a woman and they were married. On their wedding night, she went into the bathroom to change into her nightie. When she came back out, she found that her new husband had taken the bed and everything in the room and stacked it in one corner of the room. Thinking this was rather kinky, she said to her husband, "I thought you had never been with a woman." He replied, "That's true, but if it's anything like screwing a kangaroo, we're going to need all the room we can get!"
The Zoo Romance
A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the Silverback gorilla's cage, when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her yanks her over the fence and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital. Her friend visits her the next day and asks "Are you hurt?" She replies. "Of Course I'm hurt, He hasn't called! He hasn't written!"