A Circumcision

Little Joey and Little Danny, both aged 5, are walking home from school. Danny says "I won't be going to school tomorrow." "Why not?" asks Joey. "I have to go to the hospital," says Danny woefully. "That's awful," says Joey. "Why do you have to go there? Are you sick?" Danny shakes his head and replies, "I have to have a circumcision." Joey stops dead in his tracks, an expression of complete horror across his face, "That's Horrible!" he cries, "Why, I had that done when I was born, and I couldn't walk for MONTHS!!"

Clinton Bumper Stickers

Here are some "actual" bumper stickers reportedly seen on cars around the DC area:

• HONK! If you had sex with the President
• Clinton: We forgive you...Now Resign!
• Al Gore: One heartthrob from the Presidency
• Adultery IS NOT a family value
• Does character matter YET?
• One More Whore And We Get Gore
• Bill Clinton: Commander in Heat
• My President Fooled Around with Your Honor Student
• Jail to the Chief
• Today kids no longer play doctor, they play President
• The Clinton Creed: Take Credit Not Responsibility
• If his private life doesn't matter, let him date your daughter.
• Save the President: Legalize Perjury
• Two terms for Clinton: the second in jail
• Clinton: Our Nation's Fondling Father

Translating Menspeak

When He Says - He Really Means
Do you have the time? - to go to bed
Hello - Let's cut the talk and go have sex.
How are you? - in bed, I mean.
I'd like a discreet relationship. - I want sex, but I'm married.
I'll be out of town for a few days. - I'll be spending time with with the wife.
I'm a novelist. - I have 10 unpublished books.
I'm coming off a long relationship. - My wife is divorcing me.
I'm consulting. - I'm looking for a job.
I'm divorced. - I just slipped off my wedding ring.
I'm in television. - I fix them.
I'm involved in banking. - I'm a bank guard.
I'm self-employed. - I just got fired.
I'm sorry I flirted with your sister. - I'm sorry I got caught.
I'm thinking of relocating. - I can't find a job locally in this town.
I can't leave my wife just yet..soon. - Be patient forever.
I enjoy reading. - Playboy and Penthouse.
I have the Midas touch. - I install mufflers.
I like a woman who is intelligent. - As long as she acts like I'm smarter.
I love opera. - I want sex, but I've seen an opera once.
I play the market. - Safeway
I work high up in an executive office. - I'm a window washer.
I work with computers. - I'm a cashier at a gas station.
Looking for a satisfying relationship. - I want sex.
My business is really hot right now! - I hand out towels in a steam room.
My job keeps me running. - I'm a messenger.
My wife and I are separated. - She's at home and I'm here at the bar.