Religion Jokes - Nun / Priest Jokes

A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle." "Do you think it will work?" she asks the doctor. "It's worth a try," he says.  So the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.  After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this." "What?"  says the priest. "What happened?" "You gave birth to a child." "But that's impossible!" "I just did the operation," insists the doctor. "It's a miracle!  Here's your baby." About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes that he must tell his son the truth. One day he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?" The priest replies, "I'm your mother. The archbishop is your father."

Q: What is the difference between a priest and a homosexual?

A: The way they say ahhhh-men.

"And how much of that stack of hay did you steal, Kavanaugh?" the priest asked at confession. "I might as well confess to the whole stack, your Reverence," said Kavanaugh. "I'm goin' after the rest of it tonight!"

Two nuns from Ireland come to tour New York City. Before they come, they hear that Americans eat dogs, so they both agree to try it when they arrive. As they're walking around New York, they hear, "Hot Dogs! Get your hot dogs!" They rush over to get one! As the first nun opens hers, her face turns white and she gasps, "What part did you get?!"

A man running through the crowded train looked very agitated, calling out, "Is there a Catholic Priest on board?!" When he got no reply, he ran back up the train shouting, "Is there an Anglican Priest on board?!" Still there was no reply. Now becoming very desperate, he ran down the train shouting, "Is there a Rabbi on board?" Finally, a passenger jumped up and shouted, "Can I be of any assistance, my friend?!! I'm a Charismatic Pastor!!" The agitated man paused, looked at him and said, "Sit down; you can't help me. I need a corkscrew!"