Hanukkah Gifts

Stan and John are walking to school one day and Stan is describing his new Playstation 2 to John. "Where did you get that?" John asked. "I got it last night for Hanukkah," said Stan. "What's Hanukkah?" John asked. "It's the Jewish holiday where we get presents every night for eight nights to celebrate the festival of lights." "Wow, I wish we got that!" John exclaimed. The next day on the way to school John runs up to Stan, curious to see what he got. He sees that Stan is upset, "What's wrong? Where's your present from last night?" asks John. Stan holds up a ball of crumpled wrapping paper, "It was leftovers night."

Live Forever

A man tells a Rabbi that he has the desire to live forever. "What can I do?"
The Rabbi said: "Go and get married."
"Will I then live forever?" the man asked.
"No, but the desire does go away."

Winning the Lottery

A Jewish man has just won the lottery and invites his family to dinner. He then stands up to thank everyone. "First I must thank my beautiful wife for her help and support, then I want to thank my children, and the lottery commission." "Then I would like to thank Adolf Hitler". Suddenly everyone was silent as he showed some numbers tatooed on his forearm and said, "For the winning numbers".