Religion Jokes - Catholic Jokes

Q: What did the Pope say before eating his salad?

A: "Lettuce pray"

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married? A. Ruthless

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany? A. German Shepherds.

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. What was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A. Samson. He brought the house down.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?

A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy? A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

Q. Who is the greatest baby-sitter mentioned in the Bible? A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

Q. Which Bible character had no parents? A. Joshua, son of Nun.

One balmy evening in Rome the Pope decides to take a walk. He slips out the rear door of the Vatican and is walking through the back alleys of Rome when he sees a ten-year-old boy smoking a cigarette. The Pope gently says to him, "Youngman, you're much too young to smoke!" The kid looks up at the Pope and says, "Fuck you!" The Pope is completely taken aback. "What?" he says. "You say that to me, the Pontiff, the Vicar of Christ, the head of the Roman Catholic Church? I am the spiritual leader for millions of people, young man, the representative of God, and you dare to say that to me?'  No, no, no, kid, Fuck You!"

There was a boy riding on his bike outside a church. The priest saw him and told him to come into the church and the boy said, "... But they'll steal my bike." The priest explained how the Holy Spirit would take care of it, so they went inside. The priest showed the boy how to make the sign of the cross and told the boy to repeat it... "In the name of the Father, The Son... Amen" The priest said ,"What about the Holy Spirit?" The boy replied, "It's outside taking care of my bike!"

Q: What language do the Vatican Police speak?

A: Pig Latin!