Rules of Belfast

Liam had left Dublin to go up to Belfast for a bit of skydiving. Late Sunday evening, he was found in tree by a farmer. "What happened," asked the farmer. Liam replied that his parachute failed to open. "Well," said the farmer, "if you had of asked the locals before you jumped, they would have told you that nothing opens here on a Sunday."

I am Saint Lucas

A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven.  At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper: 'Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?' 'Yes,' the professor answered. 'When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against a team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not see it so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now.' 'Well,' said the gatekeeper. 'That is a very minor sin. You may enter.' 'Thank you very much, Saint Peter,' the professor answered. 'Im not Saint Peter,' said the gatekeeper. 'He is having his lunch break. I am Saint Lucas.'

Bible Talk!

A pastor went out one Saturday to visit his church members. At one house, it was obvious that someone was home, but nobody came to the door even though the preacher knocked several times. Finally, the preacher took out his card, wrote out "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it, and stuck it in the door: "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me. - Revelation 3:20"
The next day, the card turned up in the collection plate. Below the preacher's message was written the following notation: "I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself. - Genesis 3:10"