The Golden Urinal

A man came home drunk at four in the morning, and his wife was all over him, yelling at him, crying because she thought he was with another woman. "No, honey, I swear, I was at this bar, and it was so fancy that even the urinals were made of GOLD!" She said she didn't believe him, so she called the bar. "Hello," she said, "I just want to ask one question. My husband claims to have spent the night at your bar and I have one question; are your urinals covered in gold?" To which she heard the bartender say, "Hey, Clarence,  I think we found the guy who pissed in your saxophone!"

Going to the office

Hubby -" You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?"
Wife - "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears."
Hubby - "You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"
Wife - "Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

What Men Know

Q: What is the thinnest book in the world?
A: What men know about women!