Real And Guilt Gifts

Q: How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts?

A: Guilt gifts are nicer.

Great Lover

He: Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.
She: Well, you succeeded!

Free Meat

Many years, a young woman entered the village butcher shop with a baby in her arms. She confronted the butcher with the news that the baby was his. "What are you going to do about it," she asked. The butcher thought about it, and offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
The butcher marked the years on his calendars. One day, the teenager came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the butcher, with a smile. "I've been counting too. When you take this parcel of meat home, tell your mother that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years. Then watch the expression on HIS face!"