Wedding Performance

On the eve of his wedding night, a confused young man calls his father to ask him about his upcoming performance. "Dad," says the son, "what do I do tonight? I'm very nervous." "Don't worry," comforts the father. "It's all very simple. Remember that thing you used to play with as a teenager?  Well, you just take that and stick it where your wife pees." So that night, the now-confident young man takes his G.I. Joe and throws it in the toilet!

The Dream

Tom's dream was to marry a sweet, innocent virgin. He'd been going with Jane for a few months, when he decided to test her. As they drove along in the car, he unzipped his fly, turned to her and said, "Do you want to see my wee-wee?" She yelled,
"No! No! Please zip up your fly!" Instead of being annoyed, Tom was happy. On the eve of their engagement to be married, he tried the same thing, with the same result. Finally, on their wedding night, they were alone in the hotel room when he unzipped his fly again and said to her,
"Honey, now that we're married you can now look at what I've got here," and proceeded to take out his dick. She looked at it and said,
"Oh, what a sweet looking wee-wee!" Tom said,
"No darling--you don't have to call it a wee-wee anymore; you can call it a cock." She looked at it a while and then said,
"No, Tom, what you have 'is' a wee-wee." A 'cock' is long, thick, and black!!!

The Irish Wedding

A wedding occurred just outside Cavan in Ireland. To keep tradition going, everyone gets extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the shit out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight. The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroom until the judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, shouting, 'Silence in court!' The courtroom goes silent and Paddy, the best man, stands up and says, 'Judge, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened.' The judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the best man gets the first dance with the bride. The judge says, "OK.'' "Well",  said Paddy, "after I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song, when all of a sudden the groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the bride an unmerciful kick right between her legs." Shocked, the judge instantly responded, "God, that must have hurt!' "Hurt?"  Paddy replies. "He broke three of my fingers!"