Honest, Intelligent, Caring Men Doing Dishes
Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A: Both of them.
A teacher was working with a group of underprivileged children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones, and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits. Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavors than you could ever imagine. "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these," announced the teacher. Without difficulty, they managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher had them put honey flavored lifesavers in their mouths, every one of the children was stumped. "I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your Daddy and Mommy probably call each other all the time. "Instantly, one of the children spat the lifesaver out of his mouth and shouted, "Spit 'em out, you guys, they're assholes!"
Q: Why's arguing with a woman like reading a software license agreement?
A: In the end, you ignore everything and click 'I agree'
An elderly couple, living apart, had been dating for several years. One day Elmer said to Betsy, "We should stop this nonsense. We are paying two rents, two car insurance payments, buying separate food and cooking separate meals. We should just move in together." Betsy: "Whose house would we live in?" Elmer: "Mine, it is already paid for." Betsy: "Whose car would we keep and pay insurance on?" Elmer: Yours, it is newer and runs better than mine." Betsy: "Who would do the cooking?" Elmer: "You cook and I'll do the dishes." Betsy: "What about sex?" Elmer: "Infrequently." Betsy: "Is that one word, or two?"
Love is a word composed of two vowels, two consonants, and two fools.