Good Fairy

Ben and Jill are both 60 years old and have been married for 40 years. One day they go for a walk and all of a sudden a good fairy stands in front of them and says, “You’ve been married for so long and you’re so cute together, I’ll grant you a wish each.” The woman is beside herself with joy and wishes for a trip to Thailand. Poof – she’s holding two tickets to Thailand and a five star hotel voucher for two.
The man says, “Wow, that’s one chance in a lifetime! I’m sorry, darling, but I wish I had a wife that’s 30 years younger than me.” “Are you sure?” asks the fairy.
“Yes!” replies Ben without hesitation.
Poof once more – and he’s 90.

The Virgin of Ten Marriages

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What!?!" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

• "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative.  He kept telling me how great it was going to be.  
• Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
• Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
• Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
• Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
• Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
• Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
• Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
• Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!

In-Laws and Outlaws

Q: What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
A: Outlaws are wanted.