Gold Medalist

Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives. The first said, "I think my husband's like a championship golfer. He's spent the last ten years perfecting his stroke." The second woman said, "My husband's like the winner of the Indy 500. Every time we get into bed he gives me several hundred exciting laps." The third woman was silent until she was asked, "Tell us about your husband." She thought for a moment and said, "My husband's like an Olympic gold-medal-winning quarter-miler." "How so?" "He's got his time down to under 40 seconds."

Cheating

My girlfriend accused me of cheating.
I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

Who am I?

A sleeping couple is lying in a bed. The door bell rings. A couple wakes up. Woman: "Quick! My husband is back!" The man jumps out a window. Flying down he starts to think: "Shit! But I am the husband!"