Leaving Early
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early. "Hey girls," says the brunette, "Let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know." The next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time. "That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime." "No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught!"
Bill and Jesse
Bill Clinton and Jesse Jackson are taking a post-workout shower. Bill looks down and says, ''Jesse, how'd you get that huge pecker?!'' Jesse replies, ''All I do is whack it four times on the bedpost everynight.'' So, Bill sneaks upstairs and whacks his four time in the bedpost, whereupon Hillary wakes up and says, ''Is that you, Jesse?'''
Little Johnny Catches His Parents
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, "Hey, Pop! What are you doing?" His father says, "Son, I'm filling your mother's tank." Johnny says, "Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning."
Time Check
A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About three hours." The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and half." The guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey. Bill, follow that guy and see what he does. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then doesn't come back."
A little while later. Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, what did he do when he left here?" Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your wife!"
The Expat
The American in Hong Kong was talking to his wife one evening over supper. "Get this..." he chuckled, "That ridiculous janitor of ours claims he's made love to every woman in the building except one." "Hmmmmmmmmm," said his wife, assuming a thoughtful faraway type expression, "must be that stuck-up Mrs. Stewart on the eighth floor."
