Ego

Three words to ruin a man's ego. "Is it in?"

Apologetic Spouse

"Mrs. Riley, you say you divorced your husband 6 years ago, but you have a newborn infant and children 1, 2, 3, and 4 years old. How come?"
"Well, every year, he comes back to apologize."

Old Couple's Parts Inspection

One day an old man and his wife were sitting in their rockers. The old man reached over and grab his wife's breast and said, ''If these produced milk, we could get rid of the cow.'' Then he reached down and grabbed between her legs and said, ''If this was a little warmer, we wouldn't need the furnace.'' The old woman reached over and grabbed his dick and said, ''If this was a little harder, I wouldn't need your brother.''