My Girl's Birthday

Sven was out shopping in the mall when he met his friend Ole outside the Jewelry Store. Ole noticed that Sven had a small gift-wrapped box in his hand. "Vhat have you just purchased Sven?" Ole asks. "Vell, now that you've asked," replies Sven, "It's my Lena's birthday tomorrow and vhen I asked her this morning vhat she vanted for her birthday, Lena said, 'Oh, I dun know, dear, yust give me something with vots of diamonds.' "So vhat did you get her?" Ole asks. Sven smirks and says, "I bought her a deck of cards."

Measure Up

I asked my partner if I was the only one she’s been with.
She said, “Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights.”

Marriage Question

A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you no matter who left you the fortune."