Marriage is an Institution

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.

Sorry

I upset my hay fever suffering, diabetic girlfriend.
Now I don't know what to buy her to apologize.

A Couple's Skunk

A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one.
After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck. The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm. "But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend. "Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."