Refrigerated Pussy

On the eve of her wedding, the bride- to- be confessed to her best friend that she was worried about her husband finding out that she wasn't a virgin. "No problem," said the friend. "Just go out and buy yourself a nice piece of liver and put it up inside you just before you have sex. You'll feel nice and tight and he'll never know the difference." She went ahead and followed her friend's advice. On her wedding night, she and her new husband went wild. They did it in the tub, they did it on the floor, they did it just about everywhere. The bride woke up the next morning and found her new hubby was gone and all that was left was a note that read: Sweetheart, I love you very much. I feel terrible about what has happened. I can't go on after this, and I know now that we can never have a life together. Goodbye darling.P.S: ...Your pussy is in the refrigerator!

Channel Surfing

An redneck couple were at home watching TV.  Tom had the remote and was switching back and forth between the hunting channel and the porn channel. Judy became more and more annoyed and finally said, "For God's sake, Tom, leave it on the porn channel. You know how to hunt!"

Salesman and Hit Man Playing Golf

Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together. One man says, "I'm a salesman. What about you?" " I'm a hit man for the mob," replies the second man. He pulls out a high powered rifle loaded with scopes and sights. He then asks the man where he lives. Nervously the first man replies, "In a subdivision just west of here. Gray roof, yellow siding." " You got a silver compact and a red pickup?" " The compact is my wife's car, but that's my buddy Jeff's truck." The hit man looks through the scope again. "Well, they're going at it like teenagers in your bedroom." " I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot him in the balls." The hit man says, "I get paid $5,000 per shot." " I don't care! Just do it!" The hit man takes careful aim and says, "This is your lucky day. You're going to get a two for one!"