The News

When my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed
My name, my address, my phone number

How Is A Woman Similar to a...

Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

Another Shot

A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and asks him "every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?" The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."