Bartender Payback

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, sir. That'll be 1 cent."
"One cent?! That's awesome!" exclaimed the guy. He glances over the menu and asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with the works?"
"Certainly, sir. That'll be four cents," replies the bartender.
"Four cents!?" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replies, "Upstairs with my wife."
"What's he doing with your wife?"
The bartender replies... "Same as I'm doing to his business."

Female Seminars

Seminars for Females (Prepared and presented by Males)
1. Elementary map reading
2. Crying and law enforcement
3. Advanced math seminar: Programming your VCR
4. You can go shopping for less than 4 hours
5. Gaining five pounds vs. the end of the world: A study in contrast.
6. PMS: It's your problem, not mine ("It's happened monthly since puberty-deal with it.")
7. Driving I. Getting past automatic transmissions
8. Driving II. The meaning of blinking orange lights
9. Driving III. Approximating a constant speed
10. Driving IV. Makeup and Driving; it's as simple as oil and water
11. Football: Not a game; a sacrament
12. Telephone Translations (Formerly titled, "Me too" equals "I love you")
13. How to earn your own money
14. Gift giving fundamentals (Formerly titled, "Fabric bad, electronics good")
15. Putting the seat down by yourself: Potential energy is on your side
16. Beyond "Clean and Dirty" - The nuances of wearable laundry
17. Yes, you can fill up at a self service station
18. Joys of the remote control; Reaping the benefits of 50 channels
19. What comes around, goes around: Why his credit card is not a toy
20. His best friend can be yours too
21. His poker games: Deal yourself out
22. Commitment Schmittment (Formerly titled, "Wedlock Schmedlock")
23. To honor and obey: Remembering the small print above "I do"
24. Why your mother is unwelcome in the house
25. Your mate: selfish bastard, or victimized sensitive man?

A Wonderful Exercise

A neighbor of mine, Myron, in his mid-50's, had a relatively minorheart attack, and while he was in the hospital, he complained to his cardiologist that he thought that his sex life was over. The cardiologist said, "Not true, Myron. Sex is wonderful exercise for your heart. After you get home, you should have sex 3 or 4 times a week. It'll be the best thing you can do for your recovery." So after his discharge (from the hospital), Myron tells his wife what the doctor had said. His wife looked at him and told him, "That's wonderful, Myron! Sign me up for twice."