Why do men die first

This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries.. But, now we know. If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race ... you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework ... you're a pansy. If you work too hard ... there's never any time for her. If you don't work enough ... you're a good-for-nothing bum.  If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay ... this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay ... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her ... that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you ... it's equal opportunity. If you mention how nice she looks ... it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet ... it's male indifference. If you cry ... you're a wimp. If you don't ... you're insensitive. If you make a decision without consulting her ... you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you ... she's a liberated woman. If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy ... that's domination. If SHE asks you ... it's a favor. If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear ... you're a pervert. If you don't ... you're gay. If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape ... you're sexist. If you don't ... you're unromantic. If you try to keep yourself in shape ... you're vain. If you don't ... you're a slob. If you buy her flowers ... you're after something. If you don't ... you're not thoughtful. If you're proud of your achievements ... you're full of yourself. If you don't ... you're not ambitious. If she has a headache ... she's tired. If you have a headache ... you don't love her anymore. If you want it too often ... you're oversexed. If you don't ... there must be someone else. Bottom Line: Men die first because they want to.

The Husband on the Scale

A wife saw her husband weight himself on the scale trying to suck in his stomach. The wife thought he was trying to reduce his weight on the scale, so she said, "You know, I don't think that will help you." The husband replies, "Of course it helps. It's the only way I can see the number on the scale!"

Rabbi's Advice

"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?" The man anxiously says, "Yes." "Take the poison," says the Rabbi.