You Might Be A Redneck 37

You might be a redneck if...

• The directions to your bathroom include, "Go past the big oak and hang a left at the woodshed."
• You're in bed with your wife and you call out a name you gave to a coon you killed.
• You've ever been arrested for where you got your girlfriend roses.
• Your old car is now considered the main storage unit.
• Every magazine on your coffee table has a piece of toilet paper for a bookmark.
• Charlie Daniels is your commencement speaker.
• After the divorce you still call your Ex "Cuz".
• You have a bowling machine in your kitchen.
• You pick up your girlfriend on a bike for the prom.
• The Roto-Rooter man calls for backup when visiting your house.

Redneck Marriage Vows

You know you're a redneck when you think marriage vows are what your father-in-law promised to do to you if you didn't marry his daughter.

Redneck List

You might be a redneck if...

• You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
• You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
• Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
• Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
• You burn your yard rather than mow it.
• You think the Nutcracker is something you do off the high dive.
• The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
• You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
• You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
• You come back from the dump with more than you took.
• You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
• Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.
• You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
• You've bathed with flea and tick soap.
• You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
• You have used a rag for a gas cap.
• Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
• You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
• You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
• Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
• You have a complete set of salad bowls, and they all say Cool Whip on the side.
• You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
• You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.
• Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.
• You've used a toilet brush as a back-scratcher.
• You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.