More Redneck One - Liners

You might be a redneck if...

• You don't think Jeff's Foxworthy's jokes are funny.
• Every time you see a road sign that says "DIP" you reach in your back pocket.
• You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table.
• You have to throw down a rope ladder to get out of your truck.
• You have to hit the dashboard in your truck to get the lights and radio to work.
• The tires on your pick-up are taller than your children.
• The duct tape on your car seat sticks to your butt when you get out.
• You think "dual airbags" refers to your wife and mother-in-law.
• Shopping for dinner involves an orange vest.
• Your school dress code contains the line "Shoes Optional". 

You Might Be A Redneck If

You might be a redneck if...

• Any time your kids see a dog they get out their ropes, lasso it, and tackle it to the ground.
• Your master bathroom has the words "porta" and "potty" written on the side.
• You can't take a bath in the winter 'cause the stream is frozen.
• You only bathe when it rains.
• You think "Dueling Banjos" is classical music.
• You refer to the Surgeon General's Warning on a pack of cigarettes as your medical encyclopedia.
• You go to garage sales to shop for Christmas gifts.
• You're 42 and still have clowns come to your birthday party.
• You think 'possum is the "other white meat".
• Your husband spray paints the upholstery of your car to make it look new.

Hillbilly Math Education

A hillbilly family's only son saves up money to go to college. After about three years, he comes back home. They are sitting around the dinner table, when the dad says, ''Well son, you done gone to college, so you must be perty smart. Why don't you speak some math fer' us?'' ''Ok, Pa.'' The son then says, ''Pi R squared.'' After a moment, the dad says, ''Why son, they ain't teached ya nothin'! Pie are round, cornbread are square.''