You Might Be a Redneck If... 18

You might be a redneck if...

• Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
• Your grandfather completely executes the "pull my finger" trick at the family reunion.
• When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
• You have a house that's mobile and five cars that aren't.
• You gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."
• Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
• You have a Hefty bag for a convertible top.
• Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
• You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
• You have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial. 

You Might Be a Redneck If... Pet Store

You might be a redneck if... you take your kids to a pet store and buy them toys!

His first church visit!

After years of his wife's pleading, this good ol boy finally goes with her to her little local Church on Sunday morning. He was so moved by the preacher's sermon that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand. He said, "Reverend, that was the best gawd damn sermon I ever did hear!" The Preacher replied, "Oh!! Why, thank you sir, but please...I'd appreciate it if you didn't use the Lord's name in vain!" The man said, "I'm sorry reverend, but I can't help myself, it was a good gawddamn sermon!" The reverend said, "Sir, PLEASE, I cannot have you behaving this way at Church"! The man said, "Okay reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so gawddamn good, I put $500.00 in the collection plate!" And the Reverend said, "NO SHIT?!"