Chelsea in Iraq
One day Chelsea Clinton decided to go to Iraq to talk to some soldiers. While talking to a particular soldier she asked him what his fears were. The soldier replied, "I'm only afraid of 3 things. Bernie, Obama, and yo mama!"
Q: How will history remember Bill Clinton?
A: The President after Bush.
Bill Clinton In Hell
Bill Clinton dies and goes to hell. Satan is giving him a VIP tour, showing him his options for spending eternity. They come to a room marked "Hitler." Inside is Eva Braun, torturing Adolf Hitler with red-hot irons. Every time Hitler tries to escape, Eva applies another iron. "I can't spend eternity like that," says Clinton. "Show me something else." Satan takes him to another room marked "Jack the Ripper." Inside are three mutilated prostitutes, stretching Jack on the rack. Every time Jack screams, the whores turn the wheel a little more. "I can't spend eternity like that, either," says Clinton. "Show me something better." Satan takes Bill to the last door. Inside, Kenneth Starr is being held up to the wall with chains around his wrists. At his groin is Monica Lewinsky giving him oral sex. Bill smiles. "Yes!" he shouts, "that's for me." Satan smirks and says "Good choice, Mr. President." He looks down at Monica and says... "You can get up now, Honey. We've finally found your replacement!"
Bill To Monica...
Q: What did Bill Clinton say to Monica?
A: I told you to lick my erection, not wreck my election.
Q: Why did Obama miss the meeting with the Prime Minister of Russia?
A: He kept putin it off !