One day Clinton goes to the bathroom, pulls down his pants, and much to his amazement, he finds a red ring around his penis. So the next day he goes to his physician and the doctor says, "I can't figure out what it is. So I'll give you some medicine, and if it doesn't work, come back and I'll give you something else."
So Clinton takes the prescription and takes the pills as directed and comes back in 2 weeks. The physician then hands him a different prescription and he comes back in 3 weeks this time. Then, instead of giving him a prescription he gives him a small tube-like capsule.
The doctor says, "Rub this around the offending circle and come back tomorrow. Clinton returns the next day and exclaims, "Wow! That stuff was terrific doc! What was that last concoction? It worked great!"
The doctor calmly replied, "Lipstick remover."
Biden's First Task
After winning the election, President Joe Biden is told he needs to assemble a cabinet.
On his way back from IKEA, he realizes he's greatly misunderstood the task.
Hillary and Bill at Baseball Game
Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the year, and everyone is yelling and screaming. One of the President's cabinet advisors whispers advice into his ear, at which point Bill stands up and throws Hillary out onto the field. The crowd goes deathly silent and the advisor says, "No, sir, what I said was, they want you to throw out the first pitch."
Clinton Bumper Stickers
Here are some "actual" bumper stickers reportedly seen on cars around the DC area:
- HONK! If you had sex with the President
- Clinton: We forgive you...Now Resign!
- Al Gore: One heartthrob from the Presidency
- Adultery IS NOT a family value
- Does character matter YET?
- One More Whore And We Get Gore
- Bill Clinton: Commander in Heat
- My President Fooled Around with Your Honor Student
- Jail to the Chief
- Today kids no longer play doctor, they play President
- The Clinton Creed: Take Credit Not Responsibility
- If his private life doesn't matter, let him date your daughter.
- Save the President: Legalize Perjury
- Two terms for Clinton: the second in jail
- Clinton: Our Nation's Fondling Father
Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising home along a country road one evening when a cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it, but couldn't. The cow was struck and killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened and pay them for the cow. She stayed in the car texting on her BlackBerry.
About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.
"What happened to you?," asked Hillary .
"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me."
"What did you tell them?" asked Hillary.
The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, 'I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow.' The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."