Yo Mama - Museum Period

Yo momma is so old, they took her tampon out of the museum to see what period it was from.

Dying Lawyer

A stingy old lawyer was on his deathbed. He instructed his wife to fill two large pillowcases with money thinking he could pick them up on his way to heaven. Several weeks after his funeral the widow found two pillowcases full of cash in the attic. "The old fool," she thought, "I knew I should have left them in the basement!"

How Old?

They say you're only as old as you feel.
Well, I feel like I've been exhumed from the tombs of Egypt, given a cup of coffee and sent to work.