Joe Gone Golfing
Joe loved golf, but his eyesight had gotten so bad, that he couldn't find his ball once he'd hit it. He consulted with his wife, and she recommended that Joe bring along her uncle Ted. Joe said, "But Ted is 80 years old and half senile!" His wife replied, "Yes, but his eyesight is incredible." Joe finally agreed and took Ted along. He teed off and could feel that he had hit it solidly. He asked Ted, "Do you see it?" Ted nodded his head and said, "Boy, that was a beautiful shot!" Joe excitedly asked, "Well, where did it land?!" Ted said, "Hmmm. I forget."
Gifts to Mom
Three sons left home and prospered in life. When getting back together they discussed their success and the great gifts they were able to buy their elderly mother. The first son said, "I sent mom a Mercedes." The second son said, "I bought mom a mansion." The third son smirked and said, "I've got you both BEAT! Remember how mom liked reading the Bible when we were young? And you know she can't see very well anymore?... Well, I sent her an AMAZING parrot that recites the ENTIRE Bible! It took elders in the church 12 years to teach this parrot. He's one of a kind!! Mom now just has to name the verse and BAM, the parrot recites it!" Soon after this meeting of the sons, mom sent out her thank you letters. "Andy, quot; she wrote, "the house you built is so big and even though I live in one room, I still have to clean the whole house." " John," she wrote, "I am too old to travel and spend most of my time at home, so I never use the Mercedes." "Mark," she wrote to her third son, "You are my favorite son. You have such good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was simply delicious!!"
Perfectly good eyesight
Two really old guys decided they would go out and try to play a round of golf together. They get on the first tee and the first old guy says to the second, "My eyesight isn't what it used to be. Can you watch my ball for me?" The second guy says, "Sure! I see fine. Go ahead and hit." So the first old man steps up to the tee and really hits it. He turns to his buddy and says, "Did you see it?" "Sure!", says his buddy. "Where did it go?", the first guy asks. The second old man thinks for a minute and says, "I can't remember."
Sobel's Eye Exam
Sobel goes into the optometrist's office. He opens the door and says to the receptionist, "I think I need my eyes checked." She says, "You're not kidding. This is the Ladies Room."
A certain old gentleman thought his eyesight was going bad, and he was advised to go to see an eye doctor. He goes in to see the doctor and the doctor said, "Alright, let's check you out. You sit down here on this stool. You put your right hand over your right eye and read that chart on the wall over there." He puts his left hand over his left eye. The doctor says, "No, no,no. Put your right hand over your right eye." This old person puts both hands over both eyes. The doctor is now getting upset. The patient continues to screw up, and the doctor really gets mad and says, "All right, I'll fix you!" He gets a paper bag out of the closet, puts one hole in it, puts it over his head, and says, "Now, read that chart!" The guy read it perfect! The doctor takes the bag off, and this old person starts crying like a baby. The doctor says, "Now, what the hell is wrong with you?" "Well, when I first came in here, I had my heart set on wire frames!"