If It Business Lines

• If it looks too good to be true, it is too good to be true.
• If it says "one size fits all," it doesn't fit anyone.
• If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
• If it works, don't fix it!
• If idiots could fly, this world would be an airport.
• If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.
• If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
• If not controlled, work will flow to the competent man until he submerges.
• If on an actuarial basis there is a 50-50 chance that something will go wrong, it will actually go wrong nine times out of ten.
• If only one price can be obtained for a quotation, the price will be unreasonable.

The Ten Ifs

1. If it rings, put it on hold.
2. If it clunks, call the repairman.
3. If it whistles, ignore it.
4. If it's a friend, stop work and chat.
5. If it's the boss, look busy.
6. If it talks, take notes.
7. If it's handwritten, type it.
8. if it's typed, copy it.
9. If it's copied, file it.
10. If it's Friday, forget it!

Business Laws

Lieberman's Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter, because nobody listens.
Logg's Rebuttal to Gray's Law: 'n+1' trivial tasks take twice as long as 'n' trivial tasks.
Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
Lynch's Law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
Manly's Maxim: Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Mason's First Law of Synergism: The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.
May's Law: The quality of correlation is inversely proportional to the density of control. (The fewer the data points, the smoother the curves.)