The Ten Ifs

1. If it rings, put it on hold.
2. If it clunks, call the repairman.
3. If it whistles, ignore it.
4. If it's a friend, stop work and chat.
5. If it's the boss, look busy.
6. If it talks, take notes.
7. If it's handwritten, type it.
8. if it's typed, copy it.
9. If it's copied, file it.
10. If it's Friday, forget it!

Business Laws

Lieberman's Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter, because nobody listens.
Logg's Rebuttal to Gray's Law: 'n+1' trivial tasks take twice as long as 'n' trivial tasks.
Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
Lynch's Law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
Manly's Maxim: Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Mason's First Law of Synergism: The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.
May's Law: The quality of correlation is inversely proportional to the density of control. (The fewer the data points, the smoother the curves.) 

Hard Working Business Lines

• Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
• Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
• Has anyone ever heard of a self-made failure?
• Have you flogged your crew today?
• He who beats his sword into a plowshare usually ends up plowing for those who kept their swords.
• He who dies with the most toys is still dead.
• He who dies with the most toys, wins.
• He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.
• He who hesitates is probably right.
• He who pulls the oars does not have time to rock the boat.