Feeling Sorry For Him

Two girls are having coffee when one notices that the other girl seemed troubled and asks her, "Is something bugging you? You look anxious."
"Well, my boyfriend just lost all his money and life savings in the stock market," she explained.
"Oh, that's too bad," the other girl sympathized. "I'm sure you're feeling sorry for him."
"Yeah, I am," she said. "he's going to miss me!"

Cheap One Too...

An old man and his son had a one-horse farm where they barely made a living. Then, one day, the son hit the lottery and won $50,000. The young man rushed into town, collected his money, then hurried back home. He ran across the field, told his father the news, and handed the older man a $50 bill. The father looked at the money for a moment and then said, "Son, you know I've always been careful with what little money we had. I didn't spend it on whiskey or women. In fact, I couldn't even afford the license to legally marry your Ma." "Pa!" the young man stammered, "do you know what that makes me?" "Yep," said the old man fingering the $50"... "and a cheap one, too."

Your Family Is So Poor

Your family is so poor, when I went to your house I stepped on a cigarette and your Daddy shouted, “Hey, who turned off the heater!”