It Takes Money

A man comes home drunk in the wee hours of the morning to find his wife angry and waiting for him at the door. "Out drinking again!?" she says. "How much money did you spend this time?"  "$100,"  answers the man. "$100!" she shouts. "That's ridiculous, spending that much in one night!"  "Easy for you to say," he replies. "You don't smoke, you don't drink, and you have your own pussy."

A Minister's Family

After his wife had a baby, the new minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family. The congregation agreed that it was only fair and approved it. When the next child arrived, the minister appealed, and again, the congregation approved the increase. Several years and five children later, the congregation voiced their unhappiness over the increasing expenses. The minister stood up and shouted "Procreation is an act of God!" An old man in the back stood and shouted back "So are rain and snow, but we wear rubbers for them!"

Life Is Precious

The doctor tells the patient he's got only six months to live but the patient doesn't pay his bill on time, so the doctor gives him another six months.