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The best jokes and joke writers!

Let's See The World

Two dog-faces were digging a foxhole. "What made you join the Army?" asked one. "Well, I read one of the posters that said: Join the Army and see the world! And I been doin' it - a shovelful at a time."

An Inferiority Complex

Private Milton went to psychiatrist and complained: "I have an inferiority complex." "Nothing I can do for you", said the doc. "In the Army privates don't have an inferiority complex... they're just inferior!

Fines

In the army, you have to pay $85 if you lose your rifle.

That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.

My Men Are Very Brave

General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKenzie asks, "So how are your men?"

"Very well trained, Grnl. McKenzie."

"I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country."

"Well, my men are very brave, too."

"I'd like to see that." So Marshall calls Private Johnson and says, "Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!"

"Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As Private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said, "You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."

Army Rules

Q: What are the two main rules in the Army?

  1. The commanding officer is always right.
  2. If the commanding officer is not right, see #1