Band Family

Q: Why did the band conductor give his daughters the same name?
A: So he could yell "Anna 1, Anna 2!"

Custer's Last Thoughts

The curator of an art gallery asked an artist for a painting depicting General Custer's last thoughts. Two weeks later, the artist unveiled the painting, an enormous canvas with a lovely blue lake painted in its center, with a fish leaping from the water with a shining halo around its head. On the shores of the lake were the most detailed pictures of Indians fornicating. After gazing at the painting for some time, the enraged curator demanded to know what the theme was supposed to be. The artist said, "You asked for a painting of Custer's last thoughts," he explained. "That's it. Custer was thinking, 'Holy mackerel, where did all those fucking Indians come from?'"

Ever Wonder?

• Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish sandwich and I realize, Oh my God...I could be eating a slow learner!"- Lynda Montgomery
• "If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."- Johnny Carson
• "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."- Paul Rodriguez
• And from George Carlin...If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
• If a no-armed man has a gun, is he armed?
• If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
• If you put a slinky on an escalator, would it go forever?
• If all babies are cute why are there so many ugly people in the world?
• What's another word for thesaurus?
• Why do they have Braille number pads at drive-through bank machines?
• Is it ok to go door-to-door selling "No Soliciting" signs?
• Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
• If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
• If talk is cheap, why is my mobile phone bill so high?
• Should bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
• Did the early settlers ever go on camping trips?
• How can a person get a life sentence & be eligible for parole in 15 years?