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The best jokes and joke writers!

Good Ring Bearer

At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle. The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests.

Asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, "I was just trying to be a good ring bear."

Three Kids

Anna's mother has 3 kids, the youngest daughter's name is Penny,  the middle daughter's name is Nickel. What is the oldest daughter's name? You think you know it??? Aww,  a smart one you are! You were probably thinking her name was Dime,  but if you were really smart you would know that the oldest daughters name is Anna!!!

The Purpose of Breasts

A small boy walks into his mothers room and catches her topless.

"Mummy, mummy, what are these?" he says, pointing to her breasts.

"Well, son," she says, "these are balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven."

Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite satisfied.

Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes into the kitchen. "Mummy, mummy, Aunt Mary is dying!"

"What do you mean?" says his mother.

"Well she's in the garden shed, lying on the floor. Both her balloons are out, Dad's blowing them up, and she keeps yelling 'God, I'm coming! I'm coming!!!'"

Kid's Marriage Request

Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage. "Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Bruce, you are only 10, where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely." Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay, then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job and you'll need to support Jenny."

Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance, Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, so that should do us just fine." Mr. Smith is impressed, Bruce has put so much thought into this.

"Well Bruce, It seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little children of your own?"

Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far."

Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little prick is 'adorable.'..
 

Anybody Home?

A boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"  

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to the youngster, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes," whispered the small voice.  

"May I talk with him?" the man asked.  

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes," came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.  "Is there anyone there besides you?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice, the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned, and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "Me."