Yo Mama - Santa
Yo mama so ugly, she wore a paper sack when you went to see Santa so he wouldn't cry for the photo.
Yo Mama - Onions Cry
Yo mama so ugly, she makes onions cry.
So I finally landed a job as a Walmart greeter. About two hours into my first day on the job a loud, mean and unattractive woman enters the store with her two children yelling obscenities at them the whole way.
Per my greeter instructions, I pleasantly said, "Good Morning and welcome to Walmart. Nice children you have there, are they twins?"
Agitated, the women sharply fires back, "Hell no, they ain't twins. This here one is 7, and this other one is 10. Why would you think they're twins? Are you blind, stupid, or both?"
To which I replied, "Ma'am, I am neither blind nor stupid. I just couldn't believe that someone slept with you twice."
Yo mama so ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Slap A Lady
Q: When is the only time you can smack an ugly woman in the face?
A: When her mustache is on fire.