Insult Jokes - Others

Q: Have you ever seen an asshole wrapped in plastic?

A: Just look at your drivers license!

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

A: Wings.

We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there?

Greeting cards are getting expensive, so why not design your very own Hallmark Moment with some these sayings:

• "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."
• "I must admit, you brought religion into my life. I never believed in Hell till I met you."
• "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the heck was I thinking?"
• "If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."
• "As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."
• "Thanks for being a part of my life! I never new what evil was before this!"
• "Money is tight, times are hard, here's your @#$/& Christmas card!!!"
• "Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."
• "Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with breasts that are bigger than mine."
• "When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."
• "The holidays are a great time to be with family. Of course, your family won't be with you, since I'm taking the kids and moving in with my sister, you cheating bastard!"

A guy hires a hooker and brings her to his hotel. The hooker is in bed ready for action, and the guy starts undressing. The hooker begins to laugh when he drops his boxers and asks, "Who do you think you're going to please with THAT thing?" The guy responds, "Me baby, me!"