Insulting at Christmas

How to be Insulting at Christmas: Refuse to give any guests a drink, on the grounds that it's for their own good not to drink and drive. Have plenty of soft drinks to offer them though. Then pour yourself a large Scotch, on the grounds that you aren't going anywhere and don't have to worry.

Stupid Insults

• One node short of a network.
• One of the early failures of electroshock therapy.
• One pane short of a window.
• One pearl short of a necklace.
• One prayer short of absolution.
• One press short of a CAPS LOCK key.
• One punch/swing/hit short of a fight.
• One sentence short of a paragraph.
• One shade short of a rainbow.
• One shingle shy of a roof, and the water's getting in.
• One ship short of a full fleet.
• One side short of a pentagon.
• One signature short of a book.
• One sleeve/button short of a shirt.
• One snowflake short of a ski slope.
• One song short of a musical.
• One span short of a bridge.
• One step short of the attic.
• One strawberry short of a quart.
• One strike past being called out.
• One sub short of a party platter.
• One taco/enchilada short of a combination plate.
• One teabag short of a pot.
• One tower short of a castle.
• One tree short of a hammock.
• One vine short of the tree. (For Tarzan types.)
• One weight short of a shipwreck.
• Only one oar in the water.
• Only playing with 51 cards.
• Only playing with the jokers

Grow Up

Instead of being born again, why don't you just grow up?