Holiday Jokes - Christmas Jokes

After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. "That's a bit much," said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. "Thats still quite a bit," Tom groused. Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle. Tom grew agitated, "What I mean," he said, "is I'd like to see something real cheap. "So the clerk handed him a mirror.

Santa comes once a year - but when he does he fills your stocking!

Q: Why doesn't Santa have any children?

A: Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.

Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Clause. Unfortunately, so did my parents, so I never got anything!

The angry wife met her husband at the door the morning after her husbands golfing Christmas party. His breath stunk of alcohol and his face was plastered with lipstick. "I assume," she barked, "There is a very good reason for you to come drifting in at six o'clock in the morning?" "There is!" he replied, "Breakfast."