Low Pressure

My balloon business has gone bust

Submarine Humor and Fun

• Submarines are safer than airplanes. Proof in the fact is there are more airplanes in the water than submarines in the air!
• Response from a junior (very junior) sonar watchstander "Sonar - Conn, Report all contacts in preparation in coming to periscope depth" "Conn - Sonar, I hold no contacts - how 'bout you..?" "Sonar - Conn, Supervisor to the Conn"
• QMOW: "Navigator we're on a course for sea mounts." NAV: "Exec we're heading for shallow water." EXEC: " Captain, we're running out of water." CAPT: "What, no water, ...very well, secure the showers."

Random: How Come?

• What's with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat? What?Are they thinking -- "Gosh, if we have a party there may not be enough standing room; I'd better carpet the toilet too."
• What's with this weird hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate on the pillow? I awoke thinking my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of fecal matter.
• Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is that about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly."
• Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?
• Why do people give each other flowers to celebrate various important occasions? They're killing living creatures. Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel."
• Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why don't they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?
• If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?