More Bumper Stickers

• "Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself."
• "I'm out of bed and dressed, What more do you want?"
• "Happiness is a belt-fed weapon"
• "3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."
• "2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2."
• "I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. "
• "MY CHILD was trustee of the month at ELMWOOD!!"
• BAD COP! - NO DONUT!
• Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Witch's Temple

Q: Where is the witch's temple?
A: On each side of her head!

Government Wrestling Federation

1. Driving your fellow Congressman into the turnbuckle now considered acceptable method of ending a filibuster.
2. President now shouts entire State of the Union address with his face 18 inches from TV camera.
3. IRS audit replaced by more efficient reverse body slam onto enema.
4. Government becomes a charade of meaningless noises and lots of posturing by a bunch of inarticulate losers with no class or manners-- Hey, wait a minute...
5. Free school lunches destined for the needy instead go to the biggest, meanest, stupidest kid in each school.
6. Sex scandals now involve even skankier women.
7. January 20: Inauguration ceremonies January 21: FDA approves over-the-counter sale of steroids.
8. Newt Gingrich is finally able to wear his mask and cape out of the house.
9. During House debate, it is acceptable to yield to the gentleman wielding a folding chair.
10. Difficult finding interns willing to accommodate an entire pouch of Skoal.
11. Strom Thurmond *finally* removed by The Undertaker.
12. Line to body-slam Ken Starr winds around Lincoln Memorial.
13. Before: "Mr. Vice President." After: "Stone Cold Cheney"