Jokes about Families - Son Jokes

A young couple had identical twin sons and nearly everyone had a heck of a time telling them apart. An aunt asked the mom if she had any problems distinguishing the two lads, and the mother replied, "No, I can tell them apart by their balls. One bawls all night, the other bawls all day!"

Johnny comes to school with a black eye.

Teacher: what's wrong?

Johnny: our house is very small, me, my mom and my dad, all sleep in the same bed. Every night my dad asks if I'm sleeping. If I say no then he slaps my face and gives me a black eye.

Teacher: tonight when your dad asks, keep dead quiet and don't answer.

The following morning Johnny's teacher sees him with severe swelling on his face.

Teacher: My goodness why the swelling?

Johnny: Dad asked me again me if I was sleeping... I shut up and kept dead still.

Then my dad and mom start moving, you know, mom was breathing heavy, kicking her legs up and making moaning noises. Then my dad asked my mom, "are you coming?"

Mom said: "Yes, I'm coming, are you coming too?"

Dad answered: "Yes."

They don't usually go anywhere without me so I said, wait for me, I'm coming too.

A boy from France comes to America, he wants to learn some new words so he goes to the airport and learns "take off." Then he learns "zebra" from the zoo and "baby" from the hospital. Then he goes home and says, ''Mommy, I learned new words today.'' She says, "Great, honey what did you learn?" He says, ''Takeoffzebrababy!''

Q: If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?

A: Your parents when you move out.

Many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her husband with twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn't think of what to name their children. Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, "Let's not decide on names right now.  If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to us." After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife noticed a peculiar fact. When left alone, one of the boys would also turn towards the sea, while the other boy would face inland. It didn't matter which way the parents positioned the children, the same child always faced the same direction. "Let's call the boys Towards and Away," suggested the fisherman. His wife agreed and from that point on, the boys were simply known as Towards and Away.

The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong. The day came when the aging fisherman said to his sons, "Boys, it is time that learned how to make a living from the sea." They provisioned their ship, said their goodbyes, and set sail for a three month voyage. The three months passed quickly for the fisherman's wife, yet the ship had not returned.  Another three months passed and still no ship. Three whole years passed before the grieving woman saw a lone man walking towards her house. She recognized him as her husband. "My goodness! What has happened to my darling boys?" she cried. The ragged fisherman began to tell his story. "We were just barely one whole day out to see when Towards hooked into a great fish. Towards fought long and hard, but the fish was more than his equal. For a whole week they wrestled upon the waves without either of them letting up. Yet, eventually the great fish started to win the battle and Towards was pulled over the side of our ship. He was swallowed whole and we never saw either of them again." "Oh dear, that must have been terrible! What a huge fish that must of been!" "Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away!"