Jokes about Families - Father Jokes

An old man and his daughter go to the doctor for his monthly checkup. During examination, the doctor asks how his nightly incontinence is. "It's fine," says the old man. "I just get up and go to the bathroom, and God turns on the light for me." The doctor finishes up the examination, and then calls in the daughter to tell her about the God-light thing. "Oh, my God!" says the daughter. "He's been using the fridge again!"

"Son, I wanted to let you know you were adopted," my dad told me. "Are you kidding? Really?" I shouted.

"Yup, get ready," he said. "They'll be picking you up in about an hour."

Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say:

10. Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.

9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?

8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude ... I like that.

7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY.

6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?

5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party.

4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.

3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.

2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.

1. Father's Day? aahh -- don't worry about that -- it's no big deal.

Q: What did Saddam Hussein have in common with his father?

A: Neither knew when to pull out!

Q: On a sunny day, two fathers and two sons went fishing. Each one of them caught one fish. When they went home, there were only three fishes, why?

A: Because a grandfather, a father and a son went fishing.