Come Home To This

This guy, about 40, walks into a bar and orders a drink. Then he pulls out a picture of a beautiful girl, about 20. He orders drink after drink after drink. Finally, the bartender asks why he's getting drunk. "I have to come home to this!'' the guy says, pointing to the picture of the beautiful girl. "What's wrong with her?'' asks the bartender. ''She's beautiful and half your age!''
''Exactly. That's my daughter.''

Father Worries

Father: Did Paul bring you home last night?  Daughter: Yes, it was late.  Daddy.  Did the noise disturb you?  Father:  No, My Dear, it wasn't the noise.  It was the silence.

Comforting Marge

One day a woman got on a bus and sat with her 4 year old daughter. The whole ride she said, "hold on Marge, hold on, you will make it through Marge, just a little further Marge, just a little further, hold on...." When she got off the another woman told her, "that so nice of you to comfort little Marge." The woman looked puzzled, "no, my daughter's name is Ann, I'm Marge"