There were three brothers who bought a three story house. The eldest brother had the top floor, the middle had the middle floor, and the youngest got the bottom floor.
A little while after they moved in, the eldest brother brought over his girlfriend. During that night, the two younger brothers heard the following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, ahhh. The next morning, the younger brothers asked their brother what the noise they'd heard last night was. He replied, "Click-turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room. Fftt-farted, and Ahhh-landed on my girl."
The middle brother was excited by that, so he brought over his girlfriend the next night. During that night, the two other brothers heard the following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, ahhh. The eldest and youngest asked him what the noise in his room last night was. He replied, "Click- turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room. Fftt-farted, and Ahhh-landed on my girl."
Now, the youngest brother was really excited. So he brought over his girlfriend, and that night, the older brothers heard the following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! In the morning, the older brothers asked him what the noise in his room was. So, he said, "Click-turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room. Fftt-farted, and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-landed on the bedpost."
You Might Be A Redneck 39
You might be a redneck if...
- One of the options on your truck is a spitoon.
- The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
- You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
- You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
- You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
- Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."
- You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
- You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
- Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this."
- You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'
Herman and his brother, Trevor live on a farm in Texas. One day Trevor rides on his bike into town and he sees a building on fire, so he goes back home and tells his brother, "Herman, Herman there is a fire and people are getting burned!"
His brother says, "Oh, that was on the radio -- that's old news."
So Trevor rides back into town and he sees a bank being robbed, so he rides back home and says, "Herman, Herman there is bank being robbed and people are getting shot and killed!" His brother says, "Oh that was on the radio -- that's old news." So Trevor rides back into town and he sees a pig stuck in a fence and starts to thinkin'... Then he rides home and says, "Herman Herman! I had my first sexual experience today!" His brother says, "In a pig's ass." And Trevor replies, "Oh, you and your stupid radio."
Two brothers went downstairs for breakfast, where their mother was cooking. "What do you want for breakfast?" asked the mother. "Shit, I want some fucking pancakes," said the first brother. The mother slapped him across the face. "We don''t talk like that in this house. Now, how about you, son? I hope you've learned a lesson from your brother. What do you want for breakfast?" "I''ve sure learned my lesson! You can bet your ass I don't want any fucking pancakes!"
No More Fishing For Baby Sis
A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said. The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait!"