We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

The best jokes and joke writers!

Breaking the News

A guy is just getting back from a long business trip out of the country. He’d left his cat with his brother. As soon as he’s back at the airport, he calls his brother and asks about the cat. “The cat’s dead,” the brother says. The guy is devastated. “Hey, that cat meant a lot to me. Don’t you know any better than to break bad news like that? Jeez. You ought to say, ‘Well, the cat got out on the roof, and the fire department came. They put up the ladder, but the cat was afraid to let go. It was cold outside, and finally when they were able to get up there the cat had passed away from exposure.’ You know, break it gently.” “Man, I’m sorry,” the brother says. “I’ll do a better job next time.” “Okay. Anyway, what’s really important is family. How have you been all this time? How’s Mom?” “Well,” the brother says. “Mom got out on the roof..."

Cannibal in the Jungle

Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his brother in the jungle the other day?

Texas Brothers

Herman and his brother, Trevor live on a farm in Texas. One day Trevor rides on his bike into town and he sees a building on fire, so he goes back home and tells his brother, "Herman, Herman there is a fire and people are getting burned!"
His brother says, "Oh, that was on the radio -- that's old news."
So Trevor rides back into town and he sees a bank being robbed, so he rides back home and says, "Herman, Herman there is bank being robbed and people are getting shot and killed!" His brother says, "Oh that was on the radio -- that's old news." So Trevor rides back into town and he sees a pig stuck in a fence and starts to thinkin'... Then he rides home and says, "Herman Herman! I had my first sexual experience today!" His brother says, "In a pig's ass." And Trevor replies, "Oh, you and your stupid radio."

You Might Be A Redneck 39

You might be a redneck if...

  • One of the options on your truck is a spitoon.
  • The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
  • You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
  • You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
  • You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
  • Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."
  • You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
  • You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
  • Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this."
  • You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'

No More Fishing For Baby Sis

A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said. The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait!"