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The best jokes and joke writers!

What Scotsmen Eat

Q: What do Scotsmen eat?

A: Tart'n'pie!

Light Reading

  1. The Italian Book Of War Heroes
  2. The Norwegian Book Of Cookery
  3. The Scottish Book Of Knowledge

History of the Bagpipes

Concerning bagpipes: The Irish invented them and gave them to the Scots as a joke, and the Scots haven't seen the joke yet.

A Lad's New Kilt

A young lad went to a tailor shop in Scotland. He told the tailor, "I'd like ye to make me a kilt with this material here, and if ye don't mind, I'd like ye to make me a pair of matching underwear for it. I hear it gets a might drafty up dem tings." A few days later, the tailor called the lad back to the shop. "Here's ye kilt, and here's ye matching underwear, and here's five yards of material left over. Take it home and keep it in case you want anything else made of it." The lad rushed home and donned his kilt. He decided to run to his girlfriend's house to show off his new purchase. Unfortunately, in his excitement, he forgot to wear his underwear. When his girlfriend answered the door, he pointed to his kilt and said, "Well, what'd ye think?" "Ah, but dat's a fine looking kilt," she exclaimed. "Aye, and if ye like it, y'ell really like what's underneath," he bragged as he lifted his kilt. "Oh, but dat's a dandy," his girlfriend shouted admiringly. Still not realizing that he didn't have his underwear on, he exclaimed quite proudly, "Aye, and if ye like it, I've got five more yards of it at home!"

Rolling Stones V Scotsman

Q: What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman?

A: One says "Hey, you, get out of my cloud." The other says "Hey, McCloud, get out of my ewe."