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The best jokes and joke writers!

Muslim Bookstore

The other day, I was walking through the mall and noticed that a new Muslim bookstore had opened. I wondered exactly what was in a Muslim bookstore so I went in. As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk stopped me and asked if he could help me. I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele, so I asked, “Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. Immigration Policy regarding Muslims and illegal Mexicans?" The clerk said, "Fuck off!  Get out and Stay out!"

I said, "Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?"

Hellman's Mayonnaise

Most people don't know that back in 1912 Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the "Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City. Mexicans were crazy about the stuff. The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate ("desperados") at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today. It is known, of course, as ... Sinko de Mayo. 

Jose can you see!

A man named Jose went to America to see the Yankees vs. the Red Socks. When he got the ticket, it said nosebleed section. He did not care what section he was in. Anyway, it was game day. Everyone stood for the National Anthem. When Jose got home, he said, "Mama, they made a song in America just for me." "How does it go, mijo?" "It goes Jose can you see!"

Mexican Hypnotist

A Mexican is being hypnotized by a stage magician in his home town. “You’re in the desert,” says the magician. “It’s really hot and you want a drink.” The Mexican starts panting and licking his lips. “Now you’re at the North Pole,” says the magician. “It’s really, really cold .” The Mexican starts to shiver. “Now you’re in the United States,” says the magician. “You have a good job, a nice house, healthcare…” The Mexican opens one eye and says, “If you wake me up I’ll break your arms.”

Jews in Mexico?

A German asks a Mexican if they have any Jews in Mexico. The Mexican replies, “Sí, we have orange jews, apple jews, and grape jews!”