Ethnic / Country Jokes - Mexico Jokes

Q: How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Juan.

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, He pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now." The Mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA!  Please!" The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself,  "I'm going to make it hard for him"  and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 English words in a sentence". The Mexican man of course agrees. The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence." The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"

A German asks a Mexican if they have any Jews in Mexico. The Mexican replies, “Sí, we have orange jews, apple jews, and grape jews!”

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.

After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out.  "But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish.  

Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.  "What did he say?" asked the Ranger.

The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, Gringo. You wouldn't dare shoot me!'"

The other day, I was walking through the mall and noticed that a new Muslim bookstore had opened. I wondered exactly what was in a Muslim bookstore so I went in. As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk stopped me and asked if he could help me. I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele, so I asked, “Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. Immigration Policy regarding Muslims and illegal Mexicans?" The clerk said, "Fuck off!  Get out and Stay out!"

I said, "Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?"