Ethnic / Country Jokes - Irish Jokes

My Last Request

Once upon a time a Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman were captured by the Red Indians on a prospecting trip in North America. They'd been tied up against their respective totem poles for a day when the Chief walked up to the Englishman, pinched the skin of his upper arm and said, "Hmmm, heap good skin, nice and thick. Will make heap good canoe. You have a last request?" "That case of gin I had when your boys caught me. I'd like that," says the Englishman. He's provided with his gin and is taken off to a teepee for his final night. The Englishman drinks two bottles of gin. In the morning the Indians kill him, skin him and make him into a canoe. The canoe lasts a couple of days when it tears on a rock. Next day the Chief walks up to the Scotsman, pinches the skin at the top of his arm and says, "Hmmm, heap, heap good skin, very, very thick. Will make heap, heap good canoe. You have a last request? "Ah'll huv ma whisky back," says the Scotsman. He's provided with his whisky and taken off to a teepee for his final night. The Scotsman drinks three bottles of whisky. He's already dead when the Indians come to collect him the next morning. They skin him and make him into a canoe. The canoe lasts a week before it tears on a rock. Next day the Chief walks up to the Irishman, pinches the skin at the top of his arm and says, "Hmmm, heap, heap, heap, heap good skin, very, very, very, very thick. Will make heap, heap, heap, heap good canoe. You have a last request? "I'd like a fork." says the Irishman. The Chief gives him a funny look but gives him the fork. The Irishman takes the fork, stabs himself repeatedly shouting, "Yer no makin' any bloody canoe outta me!" 

Categories: Ethnic / Country Jokes (Irish Jokes) , Ethnic / Country Jokes (Scottish Jokes) , Ethnic / Country Jokes (Native American Jokes) , Alcohol Jokes (Gin Jokes) , Alcohol Jokes (Whiskey Jokes)
Anonymous

Fertility Candle

Mrs Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flanagan. The Father said, "Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband two years ago?" She replied, "Aye, that ye did, Father." The Father asked, "And be there any wee little ones yet?" She replied, "No, not yet, Father." The Father said, "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a fertility candle for ye and yer hoosband." She replied, "Oh, thank ye, Father..." They then parted ways.. 
Some years later they met again. The Father asked, "Well now, Mrs Donovan, how are ye these days?" She replied, "Oh, very well, Father!" The Father asked, "And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?" She replied, "Oh yes, Father! Two sets of twins and six singles, ten in all!" The Father said, "That's wonderful! And how is yer loving hoosband doing?" She replied, "E's gone to  Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle!"

Categories: Religion Jokes (Catholic Jokes) , Ethnic / Country Jokes (Irish Jokes)
Anonymous

Cock Fights

How can you tell if an Irishman is present at a cock fight? He enters a duck. How can you tell if a Pole is present? He bets money on the duck. How can you tell if an Italian is present? The duck wins.

Categories: Ethnic / Country Jokes (Italian Jokes) , Ethnic / Country Jokes (Polish Jokes) , Ethnic / Country Jokes (Irish Jokes) , Animal Jokes (Duck Jokes) , Animal Jokes (Chicken & Cross-the-Road Jokes)
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Anonymous