Ethnic / Country Jokes - American Jokes

Facts About Americans

Facts about Americans. Did you know that

  • Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils.
  • 21% of us don't make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.
  • Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly.
  • 40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.
  • 67.5% of men wear tightie whities (briefs).
  • 3 out of 4 of us store our dollar bills in rigid order with singles leading up to higher denominations.
  • 13% of us admit to occasionally doing our offspring's homework.
  • 91% of us lie regularly.
  • 27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz.
  • 29% admit they've intentionally stolen something from a store.
  • 50% admit they regularly sneak food into movie theaters to avoid the high prices of snack foods.
  • 90% believe in divine retribution.
  • 10% believe in the 10 Commandments.
  • 82% believe in an afterlife.
  • 45% believe in ghosts.
  • 13% (mostly men) have spent a night in jail.
  • 58.4% have called into work sick when we weren't.
  • 10% of us switch tags in the store to pay less for an item.
  • Over 50% believe in spanking - but only a child over 2 years old.
  • 35% give to charity at least once a month.
  • How far would you go for $10 million? 25% would abandon their friends, family, and church. 7% would murder.
  • 69% eat the cake before the frosting.
  • When nobody else is around, 47% drink straight from the carton.
  • 85% of us will eat Spam this year.
  • 70% of us drink orange juice daily.
  • Snickers is the most popular candy.
  • 22% of us skip lunch daily.
  • 9% of us skip breakfast daily.
  • 66% of us eat cereal regularly.
  • 22% of all restaurant meals include french fries.
  • 14% of us eat the watermelon seeds.
  • Only 13% brush our teeth from side to side.
  • 45% use mouthwash every day.
  • 22% leave the glob of toothpaste in the sink.
  • The typical shower is 101 degrees F.
  • Nearly 1/3 of U.S. women color their hair.
  • 9% of women and 8% of men have had cosmetic surgery.
  • 53% of women will not leave the house without makeup on.
  • 58% of women paint their nails regularly.
  • 33% of women lie about their weight.
  • 10% of us claim to have seen a ghost.
  • 57% have had deja vu.
  • 49% believe in ESP.
  • 44% have broken a bone.
  • Only 30% of us know our cholesterol level.
  • 14% have attended a self-help meeting. 15% regularly go to a shrink.
  • 78% would rather die quickly than live in a retirement home.
  • 30% of us refuse to sit on a public toilet seat.
  • 54.2% of us always wash our hands after using the toilet.
  • 39% of us peek in our host's bathroom cabinet. 17% have been caught by the host.
  • 29% of us ignore RSVP.
  • 71.6% of us eavesdrop.
  • 22% are functionally illiterate.
  • Less than 10% are trilingual. 
  • 37% claim to know how to use all the features on their VCR.
  • 53% prefer ATM machines over tellers.
  • 56% of women do the bills in a marriage.
  • 2 out of 3 of us wouldn't give up their spouse even for a night for a million U.S. dollars.
  • 20% of us have played in a band at one time in our life.
  • 40% of us have had music lessons.44% reuse tinfoil.
  • 57% save pretty gift paper to reuse.
  • 66% of women and 59% of men have used a mix to cook and taken credit for doing it from scratch.
  • 53% read their horoscopes regularly.
  • 16% of us have forgotten our own wedding anniversary (mostly men).
  • 59% of us say we're average-looking.
  • Blacks are more than twice as likely to call themselves beautiful.
  • 90% of us depend on alarm clocks to wake us.
  • 53% of us would take advice from Anne Landers.
  • 51% of adults dress up for a Halloween festivity.
  • On average, we send 38 Christmas cards every year.
  • 20% of women consider their parents to be their best friends.
  • 2 out of 5 have married their first love.
  • The biggest cause of matrimonial fighting is money.
  • Only 4% asked the parents' approval for their bride's hand.
  • 1 in 5 men proposed on his knees.
  • 6% propose over the phone.
  • 71% can drive a stick-shift car.
  • 45% of us consistantly follow the speed limit.
  • 2/3 of us speed up at a yellow light.
  • 1/3 of us don't wear seat belts.
  • 12% of men never use their car blinkers.
  • 44% of men tailgate to speed up the person in front of them.
  • 25% of us drive after we've been drinking.
  • 4 out of 5 sing in the car.

Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Holland Visitor

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. "Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them." "That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too."

Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Phone Calls in Hell

There were three guys in Hell: An Iranian, an American, and a Chinese man. They asked Satan to let them call their family. The American called and talked for 10 minutes. He payed $1,000. The Chinaman called and talked for 15 minutes. He payed $2,000. The Iranian talked for an hour and only paid $10. The other men complained and Satan responded, "A call from Hell to Hell is local."

Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Submitted BY: alanwake