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The best jokes and joke writers!

Phone Calls in Hell

There were three guys in Hell: An Iranian, an American, and a Chinese man. They asked Satan to let them call their family. The American called and talked for 10 minutes. He payed $1,000. The Chinaman called and talked for 15 minutes. He payed $2,000. The Iranian talked for an hour and only paid $10. The other men complained and Satan responded, "A call from Hell to Hell is local."

10 Things Found Only In America

  1. Only in America can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
  2. Only in America are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
  3. Only in America do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
  4. Only in America do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
  5. Only in America do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.
  6. Only in America do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
  7. Only in America do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
  8. Only in America do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
  9. Only in America do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'
  10. Only in America do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Kinky Sex

Q: What's a Jewish American Princess's idea of kinky sex?

A: She moves.

Lawyers Arrive in Japan

Take heart, America. Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan's well-oiled economic machine. It's only a matter of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to sputter and fail.

What could cause such a sharp turnaround? High interest rates? Increased unemployment? Lower productivity? No, it's something much more economically debilitating - and permanent.

Three American lawyers have become the first foreign attorneys permitted to practice law in Japan. What's more, two of them are from New York!

The decline has begun. Japan has one attorney for every 10,000 residents, compared to the U.S. ratio of one attorney for every 390 residents. For every 100 attorneys trained in Japan, there are 1,000 engineers. In the United States, that ratio is reversed.

But a law that became effective on April 1 permits foreigners to practice in Japan for the first time since 1955. Already, an additional 20 American and six British lawyers have applied for permission to open practices in Japan.

If anything can slow the Japanese economy, it's the presence of American attorneys. What better way to even our balance of trade than to send Japan our costliest surplus commodity?

Qualification Test

Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said Manager: "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job."Murphy: "And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job! "Manager: "We have made our decisions not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed."Murphy: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other? "Manager: "Simple, the American put down on question #5, "I don't know.", You put down "Neither do I."