Vampire Junkie

Q: What do you call a vampire junkie?
A: Count Drugula!

Serving Bears at Bars

A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't give beer to bears in bars." The bear replies, "If you don't give me a beer, I'll eat that lady over there." The bartender says, "Go ahead." So the bear eats the lady and asks for a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't give beer to bears on drugs." "What do mean," asks the bear. "I'm not on drugs." "Yes, you are, that was the bar bitch you ate."

Whitney Houston's Funeral

Did you hear about Whitney Houston's funeral? The line leading to the coffin stretched into the street. A few people showed up too.